3 Ways to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
You see them in the lineup at Starbucks, on the elevator heading to work, and in office cubicles all around the world–the zombie (a.k.a. the office drone). Glued to computer screens and chained to ergonomic swivel chairs, they look like the dead returned to life. They’ll zap you of your life force with one look at their red rimmed eyes and hollow cheeks.
When large enough numbers gather to form a zombie apocalypse, here’s what you can do to survive.
Take a zombie survival training course
Frank Lloyd Wright’s architecture, hot dogs, and Book of Mormon tickets aren’t all you can get in Chicago. You can take Zombie Survival Training with The Green Suite for $25 US and a plane ticket (I recommend Porter Airlines. They serve free finger cookies.) In this 90 minute class, you’ll learn how to save the environment and survive your worst imaginable disaster, a zombie apocalypse. Cool. Experience the panic of a zombie mob encounter. Learn essential survival skills like how to create a stove out of soda cans for when you’re on the run from the stalking undead. After the class, you’ll know where to go (office cubicles not advised), what to eat, and how to defend yourself when the apocalypse happens.
If you can’t get to Chicago then grab a copy of The Zombie Survival Guide. In this how-to classic by Max Brooks (Mel’s son), he covers zombie psychology, weapons and combat techniques, defense strategies, escape planning and preparation, surviving an attack, and living in a post-apocalyptic world. History buffs will enjoy the second part of the book, which covers recorded attacks.
As one reviewer wrote, this book is “part post-apocalyptic fiction, part Night of the Living Dead, and part Saturday Night Live sketch”. It’s an “outrageous parody of a survival guide” that will equip and entertain you.
While ordering your guide on Amazon, why not order a Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit in a Sardine Can. The kit comes with a compass, whistle, matches, first aid instructions, razor blade, pencil, non-aspirin pain reliever, fire starter cube, adhesive bandage, energy nugget, wire clip, reflective signal surface, fish hook, fishing line & spool, duct tape, note paper, sugar, salt,gum, reclosable bag, antibiotic ointment, tea, safety pin, alcohol prep pad. Don’t like the items in this kit? Try making your own. You never know when an emergency kit will come in handy.
Mascarade as a zombie
Join ’em if you can’t avoid ’em. Yes, you can mascarade as a zombie. Mike the How to Guy shows us the steps to creating an authentic zombie look in his how-to video. Watch the video or download this How to Apply Zombie Makeup job aid.
For you female wannabe zombies, check out Michelle Phan’s amazing Barbie Zombie transformation video. Follow her instructions to create the killer look for Ken.
Fall in love with a zombie
As a last resort when you find yourself in the midst of a full on apocalypse, fall in love with a zombie. Listen to Stephanie Mabey sing The Zombie Song. Even if you’re not in the mood for a deadlly romance, you’ll be captivated by her lyrics ” If I were a zombie I’d never eat your brain. I’d just want your heart…”