Comedy Sketch

canvasser

Written for Second City Comedy Writing I on Sept 28, 2011

Topic: Street kids soliciting for scurvy

Street kid: “Excuse me mam, have you got a few minutes?”

Woman: “Well, I’m in a bit of a hurry. What’s it about?”

Street kid: “I’m with the Navel Oranges Society for Scurvy Victims.”

Woman: “Yes, well I’m sorry I’ve never heard of that group.”

Street kid: “We’re a charity committed to helping people with the dreaded scurvy disease and we could really use your help with a donation.”

Woman: “You’re kidding me, right? I thought scurvy went out with the plague.”

Street kid: “No, it’s serious. Scurvy is the new swine flu. Without your help, people across the country are going to suffer with high fever, tooth loss, and eventual death.”

Woman: “That’s news to me. Haven’t heard of one case yet, and I work at St. Michael’s Hospital.”

Street kid: “Well, because of the generous support of people like you, our society has been able to treat scurvy victims before they require hospital care.”

Woman: “I don’t usually give money to people on the street and especially for causes I’ve never heard of.”

Street kid: “See that toothless man over there in front of Starbucks?”

Woman: “Yup.”

Street kid: “Scurvy victim. Your donation could have saved him.”

Woman: “Look, I just  spent all my cash at Metro. Here’s a lemon. It’s all I can do.”

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